Counselling for Couples Conflict in Perth
| When distressed couples fear separation or hurt, it can feel safer to ward off these feelings, by showing anger towards the partner who triggers these feelings. |
As couples become distressed each becomes angry at each other, rather than looking at what is painful for them, which usually underlies their longing for each other. When couples show anger, underneath is usually needs for connection. When couples can express what is underlying their anger, they can respond emphatically towards each other.
Couple therapy offers distressed couples an exploration of what happens for them when they react, so they can reflectively get in touch with the more vulnerable aspects of themselves. So they can deal with anxious fears and worries, so they do not become so disturbing. Counselling allows couples to see how they each trigger each other, while process their reactions in a way that re-creates a safe therapeutic space for them.
Distressed Partners
Often distressed partners do not hear what their partner is actually saying. Unknowingly, conflictual couples distort what is said through the experiences of their early relationships. Early representations of relationships create the types of lens we use to see relationships, which can shape how we see our partner. This can make communication difficult when partners misinterpret each other, feeling misunderstood. Counselling in Perth, re-wires how couples see each other.
In counselling for couples, when couples get into a rage, they often relive earlier pain, that becomes felt in the present relationship towards the partner. Often causing partners to defend against feeling this pain. Partners escalate by defending against the pain, by externalizing blame on to the partner for how they feel. By blaming the other, each partner is avoiding what they feel, to ward off underlying feelings.
Manage distress with counselling for couples.
Distressed couples communication occurs when the injured partner escalates, as a bid to get recognition for their hurt. A individual can express rage at her partner for not being there for her; where as he shuts down to protect himself from what feels like an attack on him. Therefore, he is not able to comfort her the way she would like. He feels attacked, so he avoids her. She feels rejected for her feelings, being angry. He does not see her longing needs for him and she is unaware he is avoiding her anger.
The lenses each use to see each other, enables them to respond in a way that reinforces their views about each other, which confirms how they see each other, recreating self-perpetuating destructive pathways. Partners get locked into destructive cycles of interaction.
Couples who react and perpetuate these kinds of destructive patterns, remain unaware of the kinds of lenses they’ve developed, that gets in the way of seeing each other. They do not know they are using past survival strategies to protect themselves from pain, which becomes aversive to the current relationship, causing couple conflict.
Therapy for angry and hostile couples
Therapy for angry and hostile couples can dismantle defensive reactions. So spouses can resolve marital discord and rebuild the couple bond, reducing conflict
Nancy enables angry couples to become clearer in how they see each other, so they accurately respond to each other. Hostile couples can then develop attuned responses, creating emphatic ways of relating. In marriage counselling, partners are invited to express their underlying fears, while facilitated to emphatically listen and respond to each other, gaining effective communication. So anger becomes more modulated as it is transformed into expressing underlying hurts and fears, which elicits a more connecting response from their partner, rather then a defensive reaction. These new ways of relating enhance connectedness, so the relationship becomes a safe haven for them to open up and hear each other
For couples, call: 0449 861 147 or fill in the contact form.
For counselling for distressed couples in Melbourne contact Counsellors in Melbourne