Do you find yourself being a self-sacrificer, care taker, rescuer and martyr in your relationships? Do you wonder why you continually do this?  Do you find others take advantage of you or your not strong enough to stand up for yourself? Do you constantly invest in your partner, more than yourself? Do you eventually end up feeling bitter, resentful and ignored, until you act out,  drink, have an affair or leave? Find out why with a counsellor for relationship issues.

How a therapist for relationships can help?

Freud describes re-occurring behaviours as, a ‘repetition compulsion’, that remain out of our conscious awareness. These patterns keep replaying themselves, until the underlying emotions become resolved from one’s past.  By working through the emotional stuckness with a relationship therapist, these behaviours  are overcome and do not need to be acted out in our present relationships.

Consider a hypothetical case scenario, as a child, Nadine took care of her mother’s needs, since she kept threatening to commit suicide, so Nadine felt responsible for her. Nadine learnt to be there for her mother, by taking care of her mother’s emotional needs to avoid the fear of losing her mother. She repeated this pattern, by taking care of her boyfriend, meeting all his needs by taking care of him when he was unemployed for 2 years, sacrificing herself to please him.  She did not think about the impact of sacrificing herself, by not being able to cope and feeling overwhelmed with life. She acted out her anger, by drinking and withdrawing in her relationship. She never understood how to use her real self to raise the issue with him about getting a job, she avoided his anger. She denied the impact of his passive lifestyle on her.  Instead she placated him and sacrificed her needs for his.  By taking care her partners needs, she didn’t have to face the fear losing him, the same way she protected her mother, so she wouldn’t end her life. Therapy addresses feeling of guilt, for taking care of herself. A counsellor for relationships would help her to overcome these fears of abandonment, so she could address issues in her relationship and take care of herself, having a healthier relationship.   A relationship therapist address the denial and avoidance, so she can face the issues in her relationship, while working through her abandonment fears, so they do not get in the way.

Take back control of yourself with a relationship counsellor in Perth

By investing in  relationships, not themselves, the relationship becomes the entire source of their need fulfilment. Many focus on meeting their partners needs by pleasing them; which can impair the self’s ability to function and cope, when they’re not fulfilling their own needs in life, becoming unsatisfied, as they lead a life that was not their own. Many who do not register their self, are afraid to raise spousal issues when they first emerge, letting them slide, until they’ve had enough.  When the issues get out of control, from not addressing it, they then act out their anger by giving up or ending the marriage. The more we do no register our self, how we feel,  and deny the impact of  issues in our partnerships, with avoiding to deal with them, the more out of control ones life can become.

Many mistakenly focus on their relationships, not themselves, hoping to find that good feeling, be taken care of or feeing loved. They constantly live a life based on the fantasy of unconditional love, hoping someone will meet all their needs. Yet this fantasy can blind them, lead to bitter disillusionment and disappointment, with many who exhibit borderline traits. A relationship counsellor can assist to live life according their own real self and met their own needs, so that a healthy relationship will emerge

Relationship Psychotherapist for individuals and couples

Nancy Carbone

Relationship counselling

For more details visit Facebook , http://www.counsellingservicemelbourne.com.au/ Twitter and LinkedIn