Preventing relationship ending

Why do so many individuals await for that perfect sole mate, to be everything they wanted, and how does this fantasy blind them, creating bitter disillusionment and heartache? How is real intimacy developed?

Why relationships end abruptly?

Many are on the conquest to find their perfect sole mate, who can meet all their needs, to be their rock or give them unconditional love. Yet they become disappointed when the person they pined after does not meet these needs. After the honeymoon shine is over, the real relationship emerges, as partners give up trying to impress each other; while they begin to see each other’s flaws and limitations. The limits of reality and life takes over relationships, so that special partner cannot be totally available to meet all their needs, causing a painful disappointment. The hopeful fantasy of finding this perfect sole mate can actually blind them, creating despair, from the disillusionment about what to expect from relationships.

The search for love can lead many vulnerable individuals to put lots of effort and hard work in pleasing their spouse, to recreate that magical feeling at the beginning. Many will sacrifice their self, move countries and devote themselves entirely to their partner, hoping the love will be reciprocated in return. Yet they become hurt, feel betrayed or angry when their partner does not return the hard work and efforts that they put in the relationship. By giving one’s self up or losing everything for the sake of the relationship, leaves their self empty, alone and depleted, where bitter resentment takes over. All of a sudden their desired partner says they are nagging or attacking them, and so they drift away further, not understanding all the self-sacrifices and loses that one has faced for the disillusioned fantasy of finding unconditional love.

As a counsellor for marriage problems,  I find that many of these patients feel that what seemed a magical dream romance actually ends up becoming ones worst nightmare. If you change your life to suit your relationship, physio camberwell, compromising or sacrificing oneself; then this can destroy relationships or cause the relationship to end badly. Finding a partner to make you happy can destroy ones sense of self and diminish one’s self esteem, if you put all your happiness into the relationship and neglect to focus on yourself. Having an impaired sense of self, is most likely to lead to divorce or separation. When the self is not strong enough to cope with the demands of life on families, it leads  to unhealthy coping mechanisms, that impinge on the relationship,  such as, having a short fuse or temper.

Healthy Relationships start with a Healthy Sense of Self

A healthy relationship begins with a healthy sense of self. By attending to our own needs, motivations, desires, and aspirations, allows us to feel whole and happy inside. We then have more capacity and inner resources to fulfil our own self esteem, so we do not become dependent on a relationship to fulfil our own happiness. Looking for happiness in others, causes many to feel anxious, depressed and alone. Relying on others to make us feel good about ourselves is unrealistic, it escapes one from facing painful feelings inside, by looking for others to take it away. Relationship counselling in Perth offers individuals the opportunity to work on their self or relationship, with either couples counselling or therapy for individuals who want to rebuild their self so they can foster more meaningful relationships. Seeing a psychotherapist or relationship specialist can resolve these relationship patterns so they do not become repeated and continually acted out. Many spouses will project their past hurts or unmet needs onto their partner, hoping that their quest for love will be finally met, but sadly this relives their pain and distress, leading relationships to breakdown. Many enter therapy when they reached the depths of their despair, to avoid these hurts, and actually end up reliving all the anxiety and depression that they attempted to avoid.

As a relationships counsellor in Perth, many partners who attend therapy avoid expressing themselves with their own thoughts, feelings or ideas, as a fear of couples conflict. So they forego their own individual identity or aspects of themselves to meet the expectations of their spouse. Giving up one’s own individual thoughts and feelings, for the sake of preserving a marriage, can actually end up working against themselves and the couple bond, causing marriage breakdown. When couples feel that something is missing, that they are not living their own life , they begin to find flaws in their relationship, as the cause for their unhappiness, not seeing how they participated in re-creating these couples dynamics, by giving themselves up, that causes them to drift apart. Rather than communicating ones thoughts or feelings to resolve relational issues, couples usually end up acting out their unmet needs or anger by having marital affairs, addictions, showing anger outburst and rage when they become explosive at seemingly irreverent things. All of sudden their spouse see’s them as the abusive partner or the drunk who does not care how they treat them. Whatever does not get expressed becomes acted out aggressively towards ones spouse, further pushing them away, rather than allowing themselves to be heard or understood for how they feel.

Counsellor to Prevent Relationship Breakup

A couples counsellor  can dismantle destructive relational patterns that causes couples to become stuck, so they can get in touch with themselves, resolve marital discord and overcome relationship breakdown. By unlocking the barriers to intimacy, partners can begin to feel a closer connection, as they share aspects of themselves and foster deeper  intimacy between them, in a real way. As partners let go of bitter resentment, they have more capacity to respond to each others emotional needs. When partners receive an attuned response with understanding, they can move past relational ruptures and restore the couple bond, preventing relationship break up.

Biography

Relationships Therapist

Nancy Carbone

Nancy is a relationship counselor and Psychotherapist. She assists individuals and couples to become unstuck from self-perpetuating patterns that causes relationships to end. She is specialised in the treatment of personality disorders, after successfully completing 3 years of training with the psychoanalytic International Masterson Institute, New York, and has completed a further two years faculty training. Nancy has attended psychoanalytic conferences around the world, and been a clinical trainer and supervisor. She has worked as a therapist for over 16 years in private practice and organisations. Furthermore, she has a Masters of Soc. Sc. (Counselling and Psychotherapy); she is a mental health social worker; and has a Bachelor of Arts (major in Psych). For more details visit .

For more details visit Facebook http://www.counsellingservicemelbourne.com.au/ Twitter and LinkedIn

For relationship consultation contact Nancy on 0449 861147 or use the quick consultation form